Dear Comedy Central

Because I love Jon Stewart and Colbert so much, so much I write my thesis about the show, I joined some Comedy Central feedback thing. I do it only because of my love for certain programs, yet I know in reality it's just marketing research. But I am a true forensicator! Instead of "write your congress person" I also "write my cable networks." Of course I would think they want to hear from ME specifically. I mean, I have been studying their most popular show for a while now...

So I get this email about the survey:

"Tell Comedy Central What's On Your Mind

Critical Optimist,

Welcome, you sexy thing, you! This is our first Comedy Central Crew study and it's a big deal. We want you to tell us what you think of Comedy Central's lineup. Come on in and share your opinions with other witty, intelligent, fabulously attractive Comedy Central fans—just like you!

And, no, we’re not trying to butter you up so you say nice things…but, damn, that shirt looks great on you.

Thanks much,
The Comedy Central Crew Crew"

It's always nice to be flattered... But in reality, I am everything they want in a respondent. I AM witty, intelligent, and pretty cute if I do say so myself. Needless to say, I am pretty sure my opinion would be of the utmost value to them. Who am I kidding? My opinion is of the utmost value to The World.

So I took my sexy butt to the link they sent me. It was mostly questions about new shows, what I had heard of (aka the efficacy of their repetitive commercials), what shows I had watched, and why. They specifically focused on Krod Mandoon, which apparently I am not alone in disliking... So I mentioned I caught a few minutes and it was "silly in a bad way" and "not clever".

Those questions just made me feel like a tool getting used for focus group shit all because they called me sexy and recognized my superior intelligence... You know they are not discerning about who they are calling smart. I am sure there are some dumb people that got that email too... But alas! I got to the jackpot question! It was an open-ended question asking me to tell them what I thought about Comedy Central in general and how it could be funnier. Well, let me tell you! I took that opportunity to give them a tiny piece of my mind. The following is my answer:

"I think the station's standards for stand-up are pretty low. I really like the following comedians: David Cross, Larry Wilmore, Lewis Black, George Carlin, Margret Cho, Chris Rock, and other high quality comedians. Yet most the stuff you play is really crap. Dane Cook and that ass-hole with the puppets, Jeff Dunham, are horrible people. They are fucking stupid, and by that I mean low IQ. They are dumb and NOT FUNNY. That terrorist puppet is offensive to me as an American who has had to watch her nation demonize people who are simply different from them. I subscribe to WWSD, What would Jon Stewart do? He would ridicule that nonsense! That kind of comedy is shit, and coming from the same network that has brought the amazing Stewart and Colbert I find that disappointing.

To be honest with you, whoever is reading this, the only reason I took the time for this survey is because of my love for Stewart and Colbert. I am a masters student in rhetoric, and I am writing my thesis about The Daily Show right now. (That's the other reason I am taking this, to procrastinate from working on my thesis.) So I go ahead and take this marketing survey in the vain hopes my input will guide the network towards higher standards their best programs have defined. I feel like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is amazing and terribly important for our society today. The program is defining a generation, but even more important, Stewart and Colbert represent a movement in our culture that will become more apparent when historians reflect upon our times. However, I am well aware Stewart and Colbert are successful because Comedy Central is not affiliated with the major news networks that they critique. So thank god Comedy Central's giant media conglomerate doesn't have a financial motivation to shut them down... As a Comedy Central viewer I want to make it clear that my allegiance is with Stewart and Colbert, I could take or leave the rest.

Essentially: I want more smart, witty, critical, and important shows like The Daily Show and Colbert Report… I don't care what form that takes, may it be stand-up (David Cross), sitcoms (Strangers with Candy), anything. Just ENOUGH with the shitty puppets, and if you have to have puppets can you at least do it well like Wonder Showzen??? Anyway, I beg of you, whoever you are, to construct the image and content standards of Comedy Central that reflects the innovative, revolutionary, and intelligent movement your top programs have created."

I feel better, I made a strong statement. It makes me feel all proud of myself like I've just fulfilled my duties as a citizen when I write a congress person. In reality marketing research is an important place for us to voice what we actually want from these media giants, or any business for that matter. I mean, a self-gratifying sense of superiority that would lead one to not take these surveys is not going to do anything for encouraging quality entertainment. Without intelligent and vital feedback, such as my own, Comedy Central is just left with a bunch of Larry the Cable Guy and Dane Cook fans... That is the LAST thing that network needs more of: stupid, and at worst intolerant, punchlines with little to no comedic timing...

Don't anyone worry, I will continue to fight for higher entertainment standards!!!